What Happens Next
by Pamari25
Summary: Jaina deals with the aftermath of assassinating her brother Jacen, as well as finding her emotions in a turmoil over a man she had thought she was long over amidst the current political turmoil of the G.A.
1. Prologue

_*Entry from the private journal of Jaina Solo*:_

Every one thinks of me as so focused, so sure, the Sword of the Jedi… I don't know what they would do if they knew exactly how unsure I am. Drowning in guilt over killing my own brother; I know Uncle Luke said it had to be done, but I still don't understand WHY ME? Why did I have to be the one to feel Jacen return to himself in that split second before my lightsaber connected with his neck? Why did it have to be me that had to go to Mandalore to be trained by none other than Boba Fett and his _Mando'a _family? Why couldn't Luke have done it?

He said that it was my destiny to kill my brother at this point in time, but I had heard that prophecy too many times to count by different people in different times. It lacks true meaning to me. I don't believe that _osik_ that Luke fed me about how he couldn't go after Jacen because it was a path that would lead to the dark side. Well, follow your own fripping teachings! If you recognize the path, DON'T FOLLOW IT! Choose the other way as any Jedi would do. _Fierfek!_ It's just completely ridiculous.

And as if THAT inner turmoil wasn't enough, I have one other thing on my plate to deal with… well, one other person: the man whom I had once loved and may actually love again.

Jagged Fel…

Oh Force, I am in such deep poodoo.

_*End of Entry*_


	2. Leaving

Jaina reread her journal entry with a sigh and powered off her datapad running a hand through her already tousled hair. The journal entry was supposed to be something like emotional catharsis, but all it had served to do was to bring all of her anger to the forefront of her mind. She knew that if she were to look at herself in the Force, she'd be swirling with anger and frustration. There was no calm in this place for her; she needed to go somewhere else.

A chime brought her back to the physical; her comlink was chiming, alerting her to a call. Jaina picked it up and just held it, contemplating whether or not to answer… the Force was bringing a clear impression of Zekk. The man never gave up. She switched her comlink off and went into the refresher. She took a quick shower and dressed, pulling out extra clothing to pack in her travel bag.

Yavin 4. That would be her destination. She needed to go back to where it had all started, back to the days when things were so much less complicated. She needed to feel more in touch with her brother again. The old Jacen, the one who had an entire menagerie of animals in his room and who would always hound her to build him new and more secure cages for the various animals he would find on his excursions into the jungle. She needed to let go of all of her pain and start over again.

She grabbed her comlink again and turned it back on, ignoring the message from Zekk, she commed Luke to tell him of her plans.

"Jaina? Hey, what's going on?" came Luke's voice over the com.

"Hey Uncle Luke." she replied, "I just wanted to let you know that I'm headed to Yavin 4. I just need to get back to the beginning for a little while."

There was silence for a moment, "I understand. You should go. Just be careful, the Temple and the dorms should have locked down and kept the animals and other things out, but I don't know how the rest of the complex. You're going in the _Shadow_?"

"Yeah, I thought I'd take her… I mean, the X-Wing is great, but it's a little cramped, and I'm not sure where I'll end up after Yavin." Jaina ran a hand through her hair again.

"Alright then." said Luke, "Just make sure you keep your com on. We may need your help soon."

Jaina frowned, her brow furrowed, "Need my help with what?"

Luke sighed and hesitated, she knew he was trying to phrase this nicely. "We may have to relocate to the Imperial Remnant for a bit."

Jaina laughed, more out of shock than anything else. "Jedi in the Remnant? _Jedi._" she said, her tone nothing but shock.

""Yeah, I know it sounds crazy doesn't it?" her uncle laughed at the irony, "But, Chief of State Daala, has decided that she doesn't particularly care for the Jedi Order and at least in the Remnant we have SOME friends. Especially Jag. He's the one that offered."

"But she was an Imp herself! Ah, never mind, alliances change…" Jaina thought for a moment, "Alright I'll keep my comm. on, but please Uncle Luke, make sure everyone knows I'm not to be contacted unless it's an emergency. Oh, and tell Zekk I'm gone please."

"I will but, shouldn't you tell him yourself?" he asked, "You know what, never mind, I'll tell him, you just go and do what you need to do. I'll be here, keeping an eye on things."

"One more thing Uncle Luke…" Jaina began, "on my return, I want to take Ben as my Padawan. Bye uncle." she ended the call before Luke could reply.

Now all Jaina had to do was get to Yavin. She would deal with her heart and mind, and then she would deal with her uncle and with Jag and come back for Ben.


	3. Surprise Encounters

Jaina called an air taxi to take her to the space sport where the _Jade Shadow_ was waiting for her. She began the start up procedures from the taxi on the way there. She wanted to get off of Coruscant as fast as possible. As the air taxi approached the spaceport, she looked out of the view port and grimaced at the masses of people. Too many thoughts and emotions, their snarled consciences caught against her Force perception until she was forced to block them out. Yavin at this moment sounded like heaven; nothing for miles around except droids, animals and plants. Solitude was a blessing hard come by for a Force sensitive on Coruscant.

The air taxi landed amidst thousands of its kind, and Jaina paid the Sullustan who was driving. "Thanks for the quick drop."

The Sullustan glanced at her and replied, "No problem." He looked away as though considering saying something, then cleared his throat and said, "I'm sorry about your brother."

The words were like a knife in the gut and Jaina tried to keep the emotion off of her face, but her brow still crumpled, "Yeah, me too." she muttered, "Me too."

Jaina walked off and thanked the Force silently that she had her own mode of transportation. She would never have made it off of this city based hell if she didn't.

As she approached the _Shadow_ she saw a lean figure standing in the shadows of the ship, apparently waiting for her. She tightened the shoulder trap of her travel bag and let her hand drift down to the hilt of her lightsaber. Continuing to walk casually toward the ship, she reached out with her Force senses, trying to gauge whether this person was friend or foe.

She nearly stopped dead in her tracks. Boba Fett was waiting for her, for most people outside of the Mandalorian culture this would be a very bad thing. But Jaina remembered that she was now on good terms with the old bounty hunter, what with her having avenged his daughter for him.

"_Su'cuy_ Fett." she said, in _Mando'a_, she had picked up the language a bit while she had lived on Mandalore. "What brings you here?"

The tilt of his helmet and the annoyance radiating off of him in the Force made her sure that he was frowning and glaring from beneath the T-shaped visor of his helmet.

"How many times do I have to tell people." he said in a faintly aggrieved voice, "I may be Mandalore but I still don't speak the blasted language."

"Fine, fine, I'll start over." Jaina grinned, "Hi Fett. What brings you here?"

"Mirta and Sintas want me to extend an invitation to you for the birth party of my first great grandchild." he said, a bit sullenly, as though he had just realized that he had been reduced to an intergalactic messenger boy.

Picking up on his irritation Jaina said, "Wow Fett, family life is making you soft. Personally inviting someone to your home on behalf of your wife and great granddaughter… never saw THAT coming."

"Just because I agreed doesn't mean I can't still kick the osik out of you in a fight. Remember that." he replied gruffly.

"Yeah I know." Jaina smiled again, she was beginning to feel some genuine affection for the gruff and hardened bounty hunter. "Thanks for the invite, as long as it's not for another week or so, I should be able to make it. I'm doing some soul-searching out on Yavin 4."

Fett just nodded and said: 'It's in two months, be there, it means a lot to Mirta." and walked away, his battered armor glinting strangely.

And with a shake of her head, Jaina boarded the _Shadow_ at last, finally about to be on her way.


	4. Yavin 4

The journey from Coruscant to Yavin went smoothly. It was, in fact, one of the most perfect trips she had ever taken. There were no ship failures or problems, no one attacking her, and it didn't end with Jaina in the middle of a battle. As far as Jaina was concerned, that meant that this flight made her top ten list easy. If it weren't for the state of her emotions, it would've made the top three.

Yavin 4, the jungle moon of the planet Yavin was before the viewport of the _Jade Shadow_, revolving slowly. No longer was the Jedi Academy based on this remote world, but the Temple Complex and the dorms still existed and still in lock down after all of these years. The memories flooded back to her as she began her approach to the now derelict landing platform. Memories of her, Jacen, Lowbacca and Tenel Ka exploring, scaling the Temple itself, or working in the garage just off of the landing pad. It was a bittersweet moment for her; she could almost see a younger version of herself running about the garage, looking for this part or that for whatever project she had in mind. She could almost hear Jacen's lame jokes that he would crack to either alleviate tension or try to make Tenel Ka smile.

Jaina stood at the boarding ramp's entrance, fighting with her inner fear and uncertainty. Did she really want to confront the ghosts of her past right now? The answer was yes. She knew that if she didn't, she would spend an eternity running from them. With a deep breath Jaina grabbed her travel bag again and walked down the ramp and back to the Academy.

She pulled out her datapad, and called up the info Luke had sent her to override the lockdown one door at a time and to bring the Academy's cooling, heating and water systems back online, although it was a bit much to ask that all of the unnecessary systems worked. Thinking it best if she began at the beginning, she walked over to where she knew the front entrance to be, it was covered in vines. In fact, the entire temple ziggurat was now crawling with vines and other plant life native to Yavin 4.

With a sigh, she unclipped her lightsaber and began cutting the vines away from the entrance. Once having completed that, she keyed in the sequence to unlock this door and held her breath, hoping that she wouldn't be reduced to slicing her way in with her lightsaber. The locking mechanism in the door clicked open and Jaina released the breath she had been holding.

The inside of the Temple looked unchanged from the last time she had seen it, and so it would stay. She turned to go down a passageway in the direction of the dorms. The generator for the sections of living areas that she needed was not in the main control room, but in a side generator area. Finding the room as easily as she would have 15 years ago, Jaina unlocked that door and began the somewhat tedious process of restoring power to the living quarters.

It was nearly two hours later when she finished. With a sigh, she hefted her bag once again and headed to her final destination. Her room.


	5. Revelations and Memories

The residual Force energies in the room were tangible. She could feel all of the emotions that she had once had in this small room as well as if she were feeling the emotions of another person. Someone completely different from her. The realization that she had changed so much brought tears threateningly close to the surface. She fought them down for the moment. Right now, she needed sleep… tomorrow, tomorrow; she would deal with the ghosts of her past.

Jaina woke early the next morning, 0600 hours. Yawning she looked around sleepily, wondering idly when Jacen would come bounding into her room with some hare-brained scheme that he fully expected her to go along with. Then reality came crashing back. She was no longer 15, she was 32. Jacen was dead, and could no longer drag her along on any scheme, hare-brained or otherwise.

The walls she had built up around her heart began to crack. Pieces falling away and exposing her raw and tender heart that still hurt for what she had done. The tears leaked out and ran down her face as she felt the loss again, her other half, gone forever.

Gathering herself together, she grabbed a ration pack from her travel bag and munched on it. It was a bit bland, but for now, it would have to do, perhaps later she would go back to the _Shadow_ and get a real meal. But right now, she had something more important to do.

Jaina crossed the hallway and paused before the door across from hers. Even from here she could feel the residuals of his Force presence. Jacen, as he was, young and carefree. Swallowing past a lump in her throat she opened the door and walked into his room.

It was exactly as he had left it. No one had changed his room at all. The animal cages were still all stacked and placed around the room, devoid of animals of course. The sheets on the bed had never been changed; they were exactly as they were 15 years ago, and still stupid looking. A blue comforter with various Jedi figures on them: ridiculous. Jaina suppressed a snort of laughter and sat carefully on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her.

With one last glance around the room, she submerged herself fully in the Force. So far gone into it, she could hear Jacen… but it wasn't the little boy Jacen… it was a Jacen that sounded very much like the Jacen she had last seen.

"_No matter what happens, no matter what I may become, I'll always love you Jaina: my sister, my twin."_

Jaina's heart shattered, sobs bursting from her body. This was her breaking point; a whisper from the past, come back to haunt her. She had killed him, not by slicing his head off, though yes, she had done that, but she had killed him far before that, when she failed to pay attention to him and his needs. To how he had changed after the Yuuzhan Vong War. She had a hand in this, probably a greater one than anyone else. She was his sister and his twin and she had failed him in both respects. She didn't care enough about her other half to mind him. She dismissed him, thinking he would always be able to take care of himself.

Now she knew, and the truth was a horrible thing. Yes, she had done the galaxy a great good by ridding it of a Sith Lord, but she had also been at the source of the aforementioned Sith Lord's turn to darkness.

Jaina tracked the whisper. It was the most recent trace. She could see the Jacen of the not so distant past prowl around the room and place something inside a bedside table. The residual she felt was tainted with darkness, but it was still Jacen. She reached for him and wondered if he would feel it in the past. With a final gut-wrenching sob, she released her hold on the Force and watched as Jacen faded away into memory.

Stumbling over to the bedside table, she opened the drawer in which she had seen Jacen place something. In it was a journal, a real journal made of paper and written on with ink. On the inside cover it read: This is the private journal of Jacen Solo Darth Caedus.

Her eyes drifted to the first page, hastily scribbled above the beginning of the first journal entry were the words:  
_Hey Jaina, you've probably come here looking for answers as to how I became what I am, or you're here looking for a way to kill me. Either way, this is for you sis. The journal of my journey from Jedi to Sith, this is the why and some of the how. Just please Jaina, read this before you give it to Uncle Luke. I want you to know first, even if you hate me right now because no matter what happens, no matter what I have become, I love you Jaina. You're my sister, my twin, my soul. –Jacen._


	6. I Miss Yous and Hurried Departures

Jaina gasped as though the book had somehow landed a physical blow. All of the answers to the questions she had been dying to ask Jacen, but never got the chance.

And so, she read. Jaina stayed in that room, surrounded by her brother's Force presence and read the story about how he, Jacen Solo had gone from being the brightest light in the galaxy to its darkest void. In the beginning, how it had started with Vergere, being found by Lumiya, the added frustration of his secret relationship and child with Tenel Ka. How it had escalated, how no one notice. How Mara Jade had thought it was all because of a love affair, his attempt to apprentice Ben, his challenges with Luke, all the lives he had taken, all the beings he had tortured. How he murdered Mara Jade Skywalker in cold blood convinced it was the right thing. Then, his kidnapping of his daughter, Allana, his defeat by Luke and Ben, and his downward spiral into general madness.

Throughout the entire journal there was an underlying feel of Jacen thinking he had been betrayed or mistrusted or underappreciated. Also, there was Jacen's fear that he was turning into his grandfather: Anakin Skywalker. Jacen's blindness was apparent, he had made a point of not repeating his grandfather's mistakes exactly, but the mistakes that he made ran parallel to those of Anakin Skywalker and lead to the same place. At least, in Anakin's defense, he hadn't known where it was leading him, but Jacen, he had known all along. It was all calculated.

Jacen's ability to love and his loyalty to those that mattered to him worked against him this time. Instead of keeping his balance, it destroyed him from the inside out. Corrupting his heart and finally his mind.

Fresh tears poured from Jaina's eyes. She understood at last. Jacen had still been there after all, underneath all of the madness, the strain of doubt that Caedus had felt, the nagging voice in his head had stayed, and that was Jacen. And somehow, instead of making it worse, it made it better. Jaina knew somehow that Jacen wouldn't have been angry for killing Caedus; it was something that had to be done.

But regardless, she still missed her brother.

Jaina curled up on the old sheets and slept, dreaming of happier days. Days when all of her friends were still together, no one had died yet and there was peace in the galaxy and peace in her heart.

But all too soon, the dreams of the happy past were interrupted by the harsh call of reality: in this case, the frantic beeping of her comlink.

"What's going on?" she mumbled into the comlink. "What happened?"

"Jaina!" exclaimed Luke's voice, he sounded harried and upset. "We need you back here at the capitol; Chief of State Daala has escalated her bill against the Jedi Order. We have to evacuate all of the padawans and Jedi, every available ship is needed.

Jaina snapped awake, a benefit of over a decade of flying for the military, "I'll leave Yavin 4 today and be in Coruscant by tomorrow your time."

"Thanks Jaina." sighed Luke, "Did you at least make a start with you healing?"

"A start, a middle and a finish." she said slowly, "I understand now, and soon so will you. He left me his journal, here in his room in the Academy."

Luke paused and Jaina knew that it was shock. "His journal?" Luke sounded incredulous, "That's amazingly good news. I want to know what happened to my nephew, and then maybe after we all can heal some more, we can use this journal against Daala. Jacen is the source of her anti-Jedi legislation. She's afraid we're all going to go bad and try and kill her too."

"Sounds like a plan." Jaina said already packed up and heading to the _Shadow. _"Alright Uncle Luke, see you tomorrow." She clicked off her com and ran aboard the ship. Preparing for a rapid takeoff.

"Why is it," she mumbled to herself, "I can never have any 'vacation' or alone time without some crises popping up?"

The _Shadow_ rose gracefully through the atmosphere, when she finally hit open space, Jaina put the ship in hyperspace, streaking toward Coruscant.  
_Well, here we go again…_


	7. Journal Entry

_*__Entry from the private journal of Jaina Solo*_

So, I find myself sitting in the sleeping quarters of the Jade Shadow, wiling away the hours while she's in hyperspace writing, and re-reading Jacen's journal. It's hard to see exactly why he did it, because it was apparently with the best of intentions, but because his reasoning must have seemed so sound to him, and so well thought out… When really? He was a bit cracked. Nevertheless, I understand now, and understanding makes accepting Jacen back into my heart a lot easier.

What isn't so easy is that I am going to be spending what is looking to be a long time in the Imperial Sector with _everyone's_ FAVORITE military pilot cum civilian cum leader of the Moff Council: Jag Fel. This is going to be SO much fun. I wonder how long I can possibly avoid him before we are forced to run into each other. Between my luck and Uncle Luke's planning, I don't think I'll be able to disembark without seeing him.

Not that I DON'T want to see him… I just don't want to see him _yet._ It's not much of a distinction in the long run, but I'm just not ready yet.

My plan, as of right now, is to return the Shadow to Coruscant, allow them to use it as a ferry ship between here and the Remnant… I'll let Kyp pilot it. He doesn't have a ship of his own at the moment, and there is no better ship than the Shadow when you want speed and sneaking capabilities. I'll take my X-Wing and fly as an escort, and when I reach the Remnant, refuel and make a surprising visit to Hapes and see Mom and Dad and Allana and of course Tenel Ka. Then swing from Hapes to Mandalore. Maybe I'll skip Hapes, the bowing a scraping just serves to aggravate me.

Hopefully Uncle Luke will understand.

_*End of Entry*_


	8. GradeA Escort

Deep space was a beautiful thing, Jaina thought as she looked out her view port. Deep space was also nothing like this jumbled mass of people and space lanes constantly in motion around this place: Coruscant, the galactic center.

Her derisive snort was lost in the clanging from her message alert system. Already she could hear a harried landing controller telling her which lanes would grant her fastest access to the Jedi Temple landing bay.

With an aggravated sigh, Jaina took the Shadow into the Coruscanti atmosphere. As she approached the landing pad she could see fifteen or so beings awaiting her landing. Probably a few masters and knights with their apprentices, Jaina thought, but one of them was definitely her uncle.

Jaina had barely opened the access hatch when the group began walking up the ramp and into the shadow. She deftly stepped out of the way as they made their progress into the ship. Jaina smiled at the ones she knew and exited the ship to greet her uncle.

Unlike the others, Luke hadn't boarded the Shadow, nor had Jaina expected him to. The Shadow, to him, was still too close to Mara Jade for him to sit in it comfortably.

"Are you flying Stealth-X escort Uncle Luke?" Jaina asked.

Luke shrugged as if embarrassed, "Well, I thought I would let Kyp pilot the Shadow. He always wanted to."

Jaina grinned, attempting to put her uncle at ease. "Well, we can't deprive the great Master Durron of anything. That fragile ego of his might just shatter."

"I heard that." yelled a voice from somewhere behind Luke. "Just for that I should take her through an asteroid belt."

Jaina laughed mischievously, and said "If you do, I'll shave your head bald in your sleep. Imagine that, a bald Kyp Durron, imagine the state of your ego then."

Kyp ran a hand through his long hair, "As I was saying, I'll be flying her as safely as possible Jedi Solo."

"Many thanks Master Durron." she gave him a quick hug. "I'm gonna warm up my Stealth-X. You've got a Grade-A escort today. And not a scratch on her or you'll have me AND Mara-Jade haunting you from now until eternity."

Jaina waked off, entering the hold of the Shadow. Once they had cleared atmosphere she could launch. There was little chance of interference during this flight, so it would be relatively quick and boring.

Ten minutes later they were off and in another ten Jaina launched her Stealth-X and held a defensive formation with Luke.

Another Journey had begun.


End file.
